When it Rains, It Pours

Well… It has officially happened...

I HAVE BEEN STABBED ON THE STREETS OF PITTSBURGH.

That’s right, my faithful readers, innocent little me had a very painful encounter at the end of a very annoying and soggy morning. Momma said that there’d be days like this…

I woke up as my alarm blared for the fourth or fifth time – DON’T JUDGE! I’m a snoozer to the max – so much so that I actually set my alarm extra early so I can snooze a few times and still get up at the time I originally intend (please do NOT send me messages about how this doesn’t make sense if I want to maximize my sleep time – I never have claimed to be a rational thinker). Like most Mondays, I started to mentally blurt out vocabulary that rarely finds its way into the corners of my mind during the daylight hours. (And I’m not even talking about the 4-lettered type here… when I’m really grumpy, I start thinking random phrases like “I rue the day” and “This is an abomination” and “Bloody nightmarish morning." That’s right – I turn into a faux-British pretentious weirdo when I get up in the wee hours of the morning… Its ugly.) The rain was pouring out my window… and snot was pouring over my sinuses – it was pretty clear I was going to have a case of the Monday Blues. But, alas! (uh oh, theres my inner Brit again!), I dragged myself from bed and got on with the day.

Mini-Disaster #1: I DREAM of the day I can sincerely use the word “frugal” to describe myself. However; in all honesty I am frivolous and prone to “treating myself” far too often for it to be considered a “treat.” But I have, of late, been known to get up a little early to spend the time brewing my own coffee to save a few bucks on a regular basis (especially now that I’m living on a student’s non-salary). I was all proud of myself for my efforts and my perfectly sealed thermos cup this morning… so proud, in fact, that I left the cup on the counter as I walked outside with lofty thoughts of my own penny-saving efforts. Needless to say – 6 blocks of bus ride later, I let out another “I rue the day.” Now my bank account is $2.80 thinner and I have a cold cup of coffee on the counter.

Mini-Disaster #2: My morning bus is awful. There are very few buses that run from my side of town straight to the heart of Pittsburgh’s college center… so I start each morning getting groped and prodded by people just as unhappy to be next to me as I am to be felt-up by them. (In case you missed it, you can catch up on my previous thoughts of the joys of over-packed buses HERE). This morning was no exception – and just as I breathed a sigh of relief as I made my way to the front of the bus at my stop, the driver started speeding away before I even had a chance to make my way to the front. “No, STOP!” I yelled – only to be given dirty looks by fellow passengers. As I rode 3 extra blocks to the next stop, my mind RACED with potential messages I could hand to the driver as I exited – “You know, you shouldn’t ignore people when they scream for a bus stop.” “Glad you made that green light, you jerk?” “Last time I checked, this wasn’t a prison bus – why can’t I leave when I want?” But, as I brushed past his elevated ergonomic chair, all I could manage was an out loud “Thanks” - followed by a “This is an abomination” said silently in my head.

The ULTIMATE Mini-Disaster: Hustling the extra three blocks back to my end of campus, I prayed that the rain would stay at a drizzle since I had left my umbrella at home with my coffee. As to be expected on a college campus on a rainy day, the streets were packed with brightly colored rubber and plastic boots. “Jealous!” I thought – though in all reality I know that even if I did own a pair, I would probably never wear them for fear of looking like an idiot when the sun came out later. And just as I was finishing thoughts of jealousy, I went for the sidewalk pedestrian pass. Do you know what I’m talking about here? Those moments where you get caught behind some slow-walker who is apparently out for a casual stroll at the PRECISE moment when your bus driver decided to take you for an extra 3-block ride and you are late for class? Its not always an easy thing to gracefully maneuver around a slow-walker – You don’t want to look like a jerk and you certainly don’t want to get caught in a head-on collision if you judge their pace incorrectly. And, it was just as I was thinking all this though and making my move to the right that…

I WAS STABBED.

This slow-walking man, out on his morning stroll, was so happy that he was swinging his arms WITH an umbrella in hand. And not just ANY umbrella… but the sharp-ended pointy kind that could double as a bbq skewer in a pinch. It pierced my stomach (and by “pierced” I really mean more like “poked”)… and as I lowered my gaze to check for blood, I realized he hadn’t even NOTICED his attack! (or, at least, was trying to pretend he hadn’t noticed). All I could do was hurry off to class as I muttered “Bloody nightmarish morning…”

The WEIRDEST part of my brush with death (are you enjoying the hyperbole yet?) is that my BFF, The Closet Dork predicted the danger of such umbrellas MONTHS ago! Don’t believe me? Here is the blog to prove it:

http://misstomaamblog.blogspot.com/2009/01/fair-weather-friend.html

So, dear readers, be on alert! You too could be a victim as you strut in your colorful galoshes!

If You've Got it, Flaunt It

One day this summer as I left my office building, I found myself greeted with a bizarre and unrecognizable noise as I pushed my way through the revolving door. Because it seemed so loud, it took my brain a few seconds to place it – Is that an alarm? Cell phone? Screaming Cat?

Nope. It was just a guy singing – and singing very enthusiastically.

Now, you may think that since my brain came to associations like “screaming cat” before I saw him that he was probably pretty awful - but, not so! He had the bravado and volume that brought true life to the Mariah Carey song he was belting. And, with the dance moves he was so unashamedly performing, he was probably good enough for some local stages (Pittsburgh Idol, perhaps?). But, here he was, outside of the US Steel Building, dancing and singing along to the song pumping through his iPod earbuds.

As I got closer, I couldn’t help but stare. “Is he a street performer?” -- No… hes not in a performance location and has no hat or cup begging for my spare change. “Is he mentally ill?” -- Doesn’t seem to be. “Are his headphones so loud that he doesn’t know how loud he is singing?” – Certainly not! The more I examined this wandering minstrel, the more I became convinced that he was just singing for the heck of it. He must LOVE singing – and he must KNOW that he is good (how else could he be seemingly free of public shame or embarrassment?). And he must just LOVE to share his gift!

I stood there admiring his gusto, but I couldn’t help but notice that everyone else was staring with the same amount of confusion I had had just a few moment before. There were whispers, eye rolls, blatant laughs and points. But, NOTHING affected the Pittsburgh Idol.

As he came back around to the chorus in an elevated key (“And then a hero COMES along, with the strength to carry on…”), my mind wandered to imagine a utopia where everyone in the world shared their gifts and loves on the streets. In my head --- people were dancing their way to the bus stop, sketching my picture as they wait in line at the bank, holding debates in the aisles of the grocery store, helping me put together trendy outfits as I window shopped, and balancing my checkbook for me at church. And it was JUST as Pittsburgh Idol finished his last note that I was drawn from my daydream with the very scary thought that I had NO idea what talent or gift I would be sharing on the streets in this world.

What am I good at? What do I love? What are my gifts? What is wrong with me that I can't seem to find easy answers to these questions at the age of 25?

I guess I can only hope to someday have the guts to sing on the streets for no reason. Oh, but don’t worry, I most certainly mean that in the figurative sense.

Sometimes life just takes over, goes into hyper-drive, and spins you around for a few months. That’s been my experience since mid-July (hence, no blogging and very little contact with even my best friends – sad.). I’ve felt like I’m in the spin cycle of the washing machine, just waiting for the buzzer to go off so I can settle down and process a little. And, what I am learning is that I have to be intentional about slowing things down yourself. If you wait for life or the world to spit you out – you may be spinning on and on way longer than you would like. And all this busy-ness without venting has me feeling all bottled up – with thoughts and reflections swimming around in my head, but never communicated.

Which, reminds me why I created this blog in the first place – as an outlet and tool for reflection. Revelling, Reckoning, and Rambling are three processes that there have been FAR to little of in recent weeks (well…. Maybe I’ve still done plenty of Rambling, come to think of it). And – I gues what I’m saying is…. I’m working on it.

So, this is my official announcement that I’ve returned. My cell phone is back on and receiving calls (It seems that my friends have LITERALLY given up on calling me – and, I honestly don’t blame them), my inbox is ready for messages, my social calendar is ready to be filled (wow – that makes me sound pathetic), and my blog MAY actually be a place where there is something to read again.

Heres to the best of intentions!

PeTA Porn

I’m confused.

I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why PeTA continually advertises with naked pictures of women. Every time I see one of their campaigns, my forehead wrinkles and my head starts shaking back and forth involuntarily. What exactly are they trying to say?

“Vegetarianism is Sexy!” -- Yeah, I don’t think it’s the lack of sex appeal that’s keeping people from putting down the bacon.

“You can look this good too if you stop slaughtering innocent animals!” -- Do they really think we aren’t going to see the fine print that says, “Results not typical. Becoming a hot Vegetarian also requires working out daily to tone up and eating an ungodly amount of soy product to replace the lack of protein in your diet. And, admittedly, there are plenty of carnivores just as sexy.”

“You don’t need that fur coat – you can look awesome with NOTHING on!” -- I guess they think frost bite is sexy too. (For the record – I think wearing fur is icky unless you are an Eskimo.)

“We promise! It’s not just for hippies! This super-cool celeb is a vegetarian too!” -- Sure! Pamela Anderson is totally normal and has never done anything strange – I want to be and look just like her!

Now, don’t get me wrong - I’m all for the ethical treatment of animals… but, at the risk of sounding heartless, I still like them slaughtered, butchered and on my plate (ethically, of course). When I have some extra cash in my bank account, I ALWAYS reach for the free range meat… but, again, I don’t spend much time mourning the loss of the lives they could have had or the cud they could have chewed if they were not on my grill.

But, when did sexuality and food advertising become bedfellows?

We see it everywhere – Paris Hilton parading around in a bathing suit while enjoying her Whopper (and enjoying it WAAAAY too much, if you ask me), Dairy Queen’s big red lips licking up its tasty treats, commercials for gourmet chocolates showing women imagining themselves rolling around in silk sheets while they snack, and nearly every fast food joint has a commercial full of close-up shots of burgers set to Barry White’s “Oh yeah”s and sexy slow jams.

The whole thing just makes me feel awkward. And PeTA in particular bothers me because (Warning: I may be about to put on my quasi-feminist hat) I feel it’s an exploitation of women and sexuality used in a way to get some extra attention. And, while I realize that getting you to do the double-take is the very BASIS of advertising, I just can’t help but feel like they could do it in way that didn’t involve using playboy bunnies to help save real bunnies. Cause for an organization with “ethical” in their name… they might want to take some time to examine their advertising ethics.

Plus… its just kind of creepy.

PUBLIC Service Announcement

I have officially decided that I like anything with the word “public” in it.

And, while I’m pretty sure my rePUBLICan readers may officially label me a democrat for my love of all things PUBLIC (for the record – I am a registered “independent”)… I am willing to take that risk and BEG that they hear me out. Lets start with a few of the basics:

PUBLIC transportation simply cannot be beat – it saves me an insane amount of money, and as a 25-year-old without a driver’s license (go ahead and mock me with laughter… I’m used to it) I don’t know how I would get from point-A to point-B without it.

PUBLIC schools get a bad rap these days. I, myself, was a private school girl; but after visiting an African nation where PUBLIC education is minimal at best (only provided through elementary school), you start to understand the value of a “free” education system that is [nearly] fully functional.

PUBLIC Theatre may be one of the coolest of the PUBLICs – where else can you see your neighbor in tights reciting Hamlet? (p.s. If you have an alternative answer to that, I would like to PUBLICally announce my concern)

National PUBLIC radio is my primary news source (this may be the moment where I have officially lost my rePUBLICan readers). And, beyond that, it is the broadcaster of hidden entertainment gems like Saturday morning’s “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell me!” (if you have yet to enjoy this program, PLEASE listen to it HERE asap!)

PUBLIC restrooms are notoriously disgusting... but then again, where would we be (or, more accurately, where would we pee) without them?

PBS (PUBLIC Broadcasting Service) is undisputedly loved. Because, lets face it, Mister Roger’s Neighborhood and Sesame Street make up for all the years of Barney and the hours upon hours of their Fundraising Drives.

Hey, I even don’t mind PUBLIC Enemy! I mean, what would the world be like without Flava Flav? Sure, there would be a lot less crappy reality dating shows, but we also would have never thought of using wall clocks as accessories… and thats not a world I care to imagine.

But, my absolute favorite has to be the PUBLIC library.

Have you been to these places? You sign up for a Library Card and you instantly have access to free books, movies, CD’s, internet access… you can even use $300+ online Rosetta Stone language curriculum for FREE (seriously! I’ve done it!). Every time I stop by one I am instantly mesmerized and wondering how it can all be FREE.

Of course, PUBLIC services have their drawbacks.

Trips to the PUBLIC library are often quite eventful. You may find yourself glancing over at the computer monitor next to yours, only to find the man at your side is silently scrolling through page after page of pornography (although, at least he was doing so silently, right?). On another visit, you may stumble into the restroom and find a homeless woman washing her hair in the sink. Perhaps you will suddenly find there are headphones on your head and be invited by the young man to your right to give feedback on the “sick beat” he recently laid and placed on his MySpace page. Or, upon checkout, you may just find out that you have $58.00 in library fines (which makes me wonder… is the library like Blockbuster? Are they in business because of late fees?).

Whatever may happen on your adventure (and, in case you were wondering, those ARE all things that have actually happened to me during library visits)… I can promise it will be worth the trip. Cause you can take PUBLIC transit down to the PUBLIC library while listening to a National PUBLIC Radio podcast so that you can get some books to help you research your next PUBLIC Theatre role!

And, that, my friends, deserves some PUBLICity.

Kids These Days...

Being the wife of a Youth Director (and, by default, a youth volunteer) certainly has its perks... and I'm not just talking about how I get to wear my chucks on a regular basis without being mocked by my peers (I was a punk at heart before it was trendy!). I get to keep my finger on the pulse of youth culture, because some of the people I spend the most time with are under the age of 18. And, even with an average of 10 years between us... you might be surprised at just how much we have in common, not to mention how much I've learned from them. For instance:

• I've learned that the human heart can survive the consumption of 5+ energy drinks within the span of 2 hours (although the inevitable caffeine crash leads to MAJOR grumpiness on the part of the consumer and all those in their company).


• I've learned that Edward Cullen (aka Rob Pattinson) is to 2009 what Jonathan Taylor Thomas (aka JTT) is to 1996. (P.S. Where is JTT now?!?!)


• I've learned that modern high schools are giving homework assignments that I seriously envy. I turned in 4 page book reports written in cursive pencil... these days you get an "A" for a rap video about Beavers that includes the lyrics, "Oh hot Jam, this is my Dam." When did teachers start appreciating creativity? (shout out to Maggie Morgans!)


• I've learned that dodge ball ALWAYS results in injury... and Red Rover should NEVER be played unless you are willing to lose a limb and possibly your life.


• I've learned what it means to "Ghost ride the Whip"... and why mothers are terrified that their children are trying it.
  
• I've learned that if you are on a retreat and come back from a leader's meeting early... you just might find teenage girls dancing around in costumes with their iPod (contraband, no less) blasting out Jonas Brothers tunes.
  

And thats really just the tip of the iceberg. Cause when you take the time to listen to what the younger generation has to say about faith, politics, culture, etc... (and I mean when they are REALLY talking here... not just when they are regurgitating what their parents or teachers have said) They have some incredible insights and ideas.

But, there are some things out of balance within youth culture today.

I could spend some serious time analyzing how much technology has changed the life of a teenager. The mass quantities of entertainment they consume is OUTRAGEOUS, and (speaking in MAJOR generalities here) its beginning to take a toll on how they relate to the real world (And, if your mind conjured up images of MTV's reality series there... its affected you too!). Remember the days of your mom picking up the phone to interrupt your call with a friend because she needed the phone? LONG GONE thanks to cell phones, text, facebooking, and IM. Movies that would have been just popular before.... now CONSUME their lives with ads everywhere, celebrity appearances, YouTube posts, Facebook quizzes ("Which Harry Potter Character are You?" - Um, what?!), Music videos, Award shows, etc.

Which brings me back to the Twilight MADNESS that currently exists in our culture. Now, I'm not immune (see my "Confession" post).... but I think we are just beginning to see how much the Twilight media blitz has taken hold of the brains of our teenage population...

During a late Spring youth group, Jake brought an interesting question to the table:

"Let's say you found out you were dying right now. You only had enough time to write ONE LETTER. Who would you write to and what would you say?"

Wowsa. This one had even me tripped up for a second. Jake pressed for some answers... but it seemed everyone was stumped. After sharing that he, himself would write to his wife (you're darn right you would!) we finally started to hear some answers trickle out...

Some were predictable: "I guess I'd write to my parents and tell them thank you." A reasonable enough answer... I couldn't help but wonder how that letter would go -- Dear Ma & Pa, Thanks for birthing me so I could live these few short years. Oh yeah... and thanks for always buying me Cool Ranch Doritos. Peace out.

Some were not so predictable: "I'd write to [insert Pokemon character here] and ask him to come save me." Yeah... references to Pokemon seem to come up a lot in youth group. Jake and I have taken to responding as if Pokemon actually exists. I'm pretty sure Jake said something like, "No. Not even Pokemon can save you. You are dying."

And, one answer in particular has puzzled and amused me ever since. So thoughtfully, one girl raised her hand and gave us this little gem of an answer (in all sincerity, mind you) --

"I would write a letter to my favorite author of fiction, Stephanie Meyer. And, I would tell her how much I loved her books and how much they changed my life and just how great they are."

Just in case you don't know... Stephanie Meyer is the author of the Twilight series. Jake instantly looked at me with "I told you those books are ridiculous" written all over his face... and nearly all of us couldn't help but laugh. But she DID NOT back down. She was convinced that this would be the most important thing she could say in her final hours on earth.

Which, of course, has me wondering how our youth (even if only a few of them) could have their priorities so confused. But in a world that bombards them with media, entertainment, and trends while at the same time building up technology walls that allow us to have "relationships" without ever needing to speak face-to-face (or, really, even SPEAK at all) -- why should I be surprised? I probably know less than 100 of my 352 facebook friends better than I know the fictional Edward Cullen. I mean, honestly! I may read their status updates, but I certainly haven't (and probably wouldn't) read 4 books about their life!

So, I guess the question at the end of the day is: Who WOULD you write your final letter to? Cause if we measured our love for people or the impact they had on our lives by the amount of time we spend with them... I feel many of us would be stuck writing letters to people/things who could (or would) never read them.

And, here I am rambling on about being present in my life again. The idea of being invested in my life is always swimming around in my brain. Are we conscious about what we consume? Are we intentional with our time? Are we investing in things with lasting value?

These are the questions that I can't put down... and these are the questions we should ingrain in the brains of our youth generation.

On a Serious Note...

I'm sure we all look around our world and can see problems that need fixing. Problems with our society... problems with our or others' values.... problems with our faith communities... problems with our politics... problems with our environment... the list goes ON and ON. Often, I feel like I can look at a situation and know whats NOT working... but I can't always come up with a solution. And, that's frustrating. For instance....

Its clear to me that there is a biblical mandate to care for the poor. I am convinced that this is part of the call of my faith... of that I have no doubt. But, what this looks like on a practical level is not always easy to translate. And, even once translated, its not always easy to swallow.

Let's say I'm passing someone on the street who is asking for money. We've all been told we shouldn't give such people cash because they may go spend it on alcohol or drugs. And, I've heard some helpful alternatives such as: ask them if you can go buy them some food/coffee, give them bus passes, or help direct them to the nearest shelter or aid center. But, I can't help but wonder if this is complete. Where in the Bible does it say, "But when thou doest give, be sure to only give to people who will assuredly use what you give for good." I just looked -- can't find it. But, here is what it DOES say...

1 John 3:17-18 If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

Proverbs 19:17 He who is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, and he will reward him for what he has done.

Luke 6:38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

It seems to me that God requires us to give, and do so freely. And, while I can say that with full assurance; again, I bring up the practical difficulties of such an awareness...

There is a woman who lives in my neighborhood who often approaches me asking for money. I've noticed that her story is always changing, and have figured that most times I am getting the run-around. But, as a general rule, I try to get at the root of her need and meet it when possible (I've given her everything from bus passes to tampons over the last year or so). Here is an ACTUAL conversation that I had with her on probably our 10th encounter (though she always approaches me as a stranger... with no memory of our previous meetings):

Woman: Hello, miss. I was wondering if you could spare me a few dollars. I need to catch a bus to Monroeville. I have no way to get home and Im stranded here, so if you could please help me!

Me: Absolutely! I have a few extra bus passes I would be happy to spare... you'll probably need two for the long haul out to Monroeville.

Woman: Oh. Bus passes? Well... ok. The truth is I'd really just like some cash so I can get some cigarettes and something to eat.

Me: Oh! Well, lets walk down to the Shell station. Its a block away and I'll get you some food and a pack of cigarettes if thats what you really need. [This was a stretch for me -- buying someone cigarettes was not my first choice. But, I figured it might give me a chance to talk to her while we walked.]

Woman: Listen. You seem really nice. Can I be honest? I'm really just trying to score some weed. I haven't had it in a long time, but I had a really bad day. Could you please just throw me a few dollars?

Me: Um, no. I'm sorry. I really don't feel comfortable with that... and, I don't have any cash anyway.

And, I walked away feeling so defeated. Cause, here I was trying to be generous... but the need was something I simply couldn't support. And figuring out what the RIGHT thing to do in that kind of situation seems easy (I mean, God couldn't possibly want me to give her money for weed, right?)... but it doesn't always feel so right.

And, I say all this ONLY to point out that the world is not full of simple solutions. I think the times when we feel we have "RIGHT"and "WRONG" figured out 100%, we are pobably the latter. And figuring out how to live out your faith and participate in Christ's redemption of the world is a really complicated thing. Again -- we may be able to see the problem... but can we come up with a RIGHT solution?

My mind is churning all this over because of an NPR article I read yesterday. The whole thing was about "economic psychology" and how to motivate humans to do the RIGHT thing. One program they referenced really shocked me, and clearly still has me revelling a bit...

"In the city of Greensboro, N.C., there's a program designed for teenage mothers. To prevent these teens from having another child, the city offers each of them $1 a day for every day they are not pregnant. It turns out that the psychological power of that small daily payment is huge. A single dollar a day is enough to push the rate of teen pregnancy down, saving all the incredible costs — human and financial — that go with teen parenting."

Does it strike anyone else that this may be the WRONG means to the RIGHT end? My first (albeit irrational and skeptical) responcive thought was, "There has got to be at least one girl out there getting pregnant for the first time so she can start collecting her $365 a year." But, my musings aside -- this is bizarre. Of course, I'm all for having less pregnant and single-mom teens -- I was beginning to wonder if the Juno craze would start some bad trends -- but are government sponsored cash incentives the way to go?

Then again, who am I to judge? There is no simple solution to lowering teen pregnancy rates. The problem is a complicated cocktail of an over-sexed society, absent/unattentive parents, faulty sex education, the ever-raging teen hormones, and probably a number of factors that I could never identify.

But I guess the point that I am trying to make with this VERY long rambling thought-jumble is... Just because a visible problem does not have a visible solution, does NOT mean we should stop talking about, working on, and caring about the problem itself. We should, as human beings (and certainly as Christians), be shedding light on brokenness when we see it. It needs to be named... analyzed... not forgotten. And, we need to retain hope that as we labor towards redeeming this world, the solution WILL show itself.

Just a thought.


If you are interested in reading more about the teen pregnancy project or "economic psychology", visit NPR's article.