Confession...

I am ashamed to admit that I’ve taken up the Twilight series (albeit not without some kicking and screaming). I swore for months that I would never subject myself to such frivolous reading while there was so much NON-fiction to learn about my world. But, ultimately, a two hour flight delay and a “bargain book” cart in Pittsburgh International Airport did me in. At first, I kept the cover hidden and told myself I was only seeing what the hype was all about… but before long I was hook-line-and-sinker’ed into the twisty plot; buying (at full price, no less) the second and third instillation.

It took me some time to start admitting to people that I was actually reading these books – and even now I’m kind of cringing over the knowledge that I am about to post my guilt for the world (a.k.a. my 7 followers – haha) to read. And yet, I can’t help but ask people if they have read them – if for no other reason than to hear their thoughts. Do they like Jacob or Edward? What would they do if they were Bella? Is it cooler to be a vampire or a werewolf? … and even hearing (slash reading) my words right now, I can’t help but blush a little at how silly this whole vampire business is.

But, apparently it is NOT silly to some people. I was talking with my sister-in-law, the lovely Amelia Clawson over the weekend – I had passed off books one and two to her thinking she might enjoy them (but fearing she wouldn’t and would judge me!). Of course, since she is currently alive, she has heard lots of the inescapable hype surrounding the Twilight saga and hit me up with a surprising question. Here is [an approximation of] how our convo went…

Amelia: So, have these books affected your relationship with Jake?
Me: Um… you mean in the sense that he [my husband] never stops making fun of me for reading them the same way I used to make fun of people for reading them?
Amelia: No, I mean I know a lot of people who have read them and they say it makes them really unsatisfied with their relationships…. Like their [significant other] isn’t romantic enough for them and now they are unhappy.
Me: [blank, unbelieving stare]

And, my shock was really sincere. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ve swooned over Edward Cullen’s words to Bella a time or two while reading. But, those swoons were similar to the butterflies I feel at the sappiest part of a Romantic Comedy film – the denouement moment (yes, I did just whip out that word – on behalf of Mrs. Bantley, my 8th grade English teacher) when they run into each other’s arms, kiss, and he/she says [insert rom-com tagline here]. But, you aren’t going to find me sitting around wishing that Jake would suddenly become an immortal creature of the night (no matter how debonair those extra 100+ years might make him).

I also don’t desire for him to be a money-hungry sports agent screaming “show me the money!”so that I can whisper “You had me at hello” …or expect to hear the sweeping orchestral tones of “Gone with the Wind” when we kiss …or dream about him suddenly revealing he is actually a Prince. It is possible to enjoy the romance and fantasy of it all without believing it is possible for yourself (or even WISHING it was)!

So, what is it in people (maybe I should more accurately say women) that clings to these fantastic stories in such a way that it would leave them dissatisfied with real life?

Perhaps it is all about expectations. Our Hollywood obsession and romance novel craze paints a picture in our minds of very specific dynamic between men and women. Suddenly, women need saved from evil, from themselves, or from loneliness… and there are 10 shirtless, smooth-talking Romeos ready to step in and lift them to safety. He always knows EXACTLY what to say… he is ever-faithful… he never wants to watch Sports Center when she wants to watch Top Model… and has magically been waiting for her all his life.

To me – if there are truly people out there who have read the Twilight books and found themselves dissatisfied with their real life relationships – this distortion says so much more about the relationships then it does about the fantasy story itself. Or, perhaps more accurately, it says much more about the one doing the fantasizing. It seems to me that this expresses an immaturity that’s blurring the lines between what the head wants and what the heart wants. And, you might be surprised at which I attribute to which, because-- I think our heads can create this image of the “right” person for us… and I’ve seen this “ideal match” image do a lot more damage than it does good. I have several friends who I’ve watched throw away potentially good relationships over surface issues and excuses of “he’s not my type.” And, I’ve also seen those same friends struggle to hold on to bad relationships because he seemed like such a “perfect fit” from the get-go. But our hearts (maybe “souls” or “spirits” would be more accurate?) seem to have less expectations. Our hearts are always looking for the best in people, they fall for people easily, they seek to give rather than receive… and, as a result, they sometimes get broken (c’est la vie). Real relationships aren’t perfect – they are difficult, time consuming, and full of mistakes. But, they are so much better than the idealistic fantasies because they include our flaws and brokenness. With all the hurt in the world – sometimes I think it’s a just a miracle that you can find someone you truly love and for them to love you right back.

But, I digress (because I feel myself shrinking into the depths of sappiness). The point is… wishing your boyfriend was a vampire and wearing an “I heart Edward Cullen” t-shirt is no less silly to me then learning Klingon and going to Star Trek conventions in full-costume. It is escapism. It is your brain screaming out that this world just isn’t good enough for you if it doesn’t include aliens or the undead. And, while it might be fun to imagine yourself in a world of space travel and/or romantic “vegetarian” vampires – at the end of the day it is just stealing you away from investment in real life.

But, I’m still going to finish this series…