I’m not a morning person - I truly have never been one. For the first few hours of my day, I am practically a different person as a hobble around Frankenstein-esque looking for people to snap at for no reason. My lack of morning love is also the reason that my hair is absurdly undone 99% of the time (because how could I possibly muster up the energy to wash, blow dry and properly straighten when I can hardly stand with my eyes open). All in all, I spend my zombie mornings complaining and groaning for my midday awakening.
But, of course, some mornings are worse than the average. And, I had such a morning last Tuesday…
But, of course, some mornings are worse than the average. And, I had such a morning last Tuesday…
I woke up to a bright sky peeking through my window and had the quick thought that I might actually be able to get out of bed with some energy (the sun can do that for me after a series of gloomy days has passed) – but the thought quickly fleeted as I noticed a sharp pain in my stomach. I rolled over helplessly… instantly feeling nauseated. Thinking it would pass quickly; I got up and began my morning routine. But the day got darker as I began brushing my teeth. “Oh no,” I said out loud as I looked at myself in the mirror, my eyes widening as my toothbrush hung meaninglessly out of my mouth. I knew this churning in my stomach could only me
an one thing… so I threw my toothbrush down on the counter and leapt across my closet of a bathroom… only to spend the next 10 minutes with my face surrounded with porcelain. As I flushed and stood up to RE-brush my teeth, only one thought was ringing through my head – “SWINE FLU!!!” I was thoroughly convinced that I would soon be on the nightly news, looking sickly and causing mass hysteria everywhere I went. But then, noticing that my stomach wasn’t aching much… I chalked it up to a fluke and decided to just head to work hoping for the best.
I was on the bus believing I was healed, when I began to notice the aching pain again. Slowly the nausea crept back as well, and I began to look around me for my plan of escape. Why they don’t have barf bags on buses, I will never know --- but I pulled the stop signal, pushed passed the crowds of people to the front, and leapt from the bus to heave some more on a patch of grass beside the bus st
op. “TSS!!!” I thought – “I always knew it would get me in the end!” I was busy imagining my funeral and the shock (no pun intended) that would pass across my female friends’ faces when they realized they actually knew someone who had died of the infamous disease (not to mention the confusion on all my male friends’ faces until they were told by some woman to read the pamphlet inside the tampon box to learn more about “Toxic Shock Syndrome”) – when I suddenly realized that I was still about 8 blocks from work. I began the slow walk, feeling dizzy and nauseous. And, of course, I stopped several times along the way to toss a few more cookies.
I was on the bus believing I was healed, when I began to notice the aching pain again. Slowly the nausea crept back as well, and I began to look around me for my plan of escape. Why they don’t have barf bags on buses, I will never know --- but I pulled the stop signal, pushed passed the crowds of people to the front, and leapt from the bus to heave some more on a patch of grass beside the bus st
op. “TSS!!!” I thought – “I always knew it would get me in the end!” I was busy imagining my funeral and the shock (no pun intended) that would pass across my female friends’ faces when they realized they actually knew someone who had died of the infamous disease (not to mention the confusion on all my male friends’ faces until they were told by some woman to read the pamphlet inside the tampon box to learn more about “Toxic Shock Syndrome”) – when I suddenly realized that I was still about 8 blocks from work. I began the slow walk, feeling dizzy and nauseous. And, of course, I stopped several times along the way to toss a few more cookies. By the time I got to my desk I was physically feeling better… but was in mental ANGUISH. I need to phone a friend… but, since I was at work I did the next best thing (thank God for G-chat!). I told Jamie the story, and her first response was:
Jamie: Swine flu
Me: Do I have swine flu?
Toxic shock?
Jamie: Toxic shock is more of a fever I think
What if you're preg!?
Me: omg.... thats the worst thought ever
If I was preg.... omg.... I'd be so upset.
Could I be?
Jamie: Swine flu
Me: Do I have swine flu?
Toxic shock?
Jamie: Toxic shock is more of a fever I think
What if you're preg!?
Me: omg.... thats the worst thought ever
If I was preg.... omg.... I'd be so upset.
Could I be?
*Let me just state a formal apology for the all the omg’s and negative talk about pregnancy. But, in that moment I was in PANIC MODE. I think babies are great… and I want one SOMEDAY… but the thought of a surprise pregnancy where my life is right now is FRIGHTENING.
Me: I just had my period
Jamie: I don't know
Me: crap – I just threw up again.
In my desk trash can!
Jamie: Ask Lindey! She's on gchat
*Lindey is like our sex and pregnancy GURU in my group of close friends. Not only is she already on baby #2 (due any day now!), but she is one of the most level-headed girls I know in the face of crisis. I couldn’t be more thrilled that she was online…
me: Lindey, you there!??
I need quick advice!
Lindey: IM HERE!!!
me: omg, Lindey, Im scared Im pregnant.
Heres the details.... [gave her the whole story]
Lindey: Swine flu??
Lindey: I hope you're preg!!!!!!!!
*I wasn’t surprised to hear her say this… she’s been hoping some of us would catch up with her soon. But, is it sad that I was HOPING for Swine Flu at this point?
And just when I was sure I should head to the hospital (either to be quarantined or for a pregnancy test)… Jamie asked the most brilliant question possible…
Jamie: Did you take extra birth control or something?
It hit me like a brick wall – OF COURSE! I was late picking up my BC this month because of STUPID Giant Eagle Pharmacy’s short Sunday hours. I got it so late on Monday and took a double dose long after eating dinner… this had to be it! I consulted Lindey for a second opinion…
Lindey: AHHHH! Thats it. I used to get morning sickness every time I would double up!!! Honestly every time. I bet that you will feel fine in a few hours or even sooner. Eat a little something.
And sure enough… my two friends were right. I few nibbles on some toast later and I was right as rain.
Well… at least physically, that is. Because now I can’t stop thinking about just HOW negative my reaction was. Is that how I’m going to feel when it actually does happen? Are you ever really ready for that kind of thing? It seems that babies have been on my mind a little more – mostly because more and more of my friends are having them these days. But, my life just feels SOOOO far from this next stage. I’ve dreamed of being a mom someday – but it has always felt far off. Now, with babies popping out right and left (Don’t be mad moms and moms-to-be -- not trying to diminish the miracle with that statement!) I suddenly feel confused and behind.
But I guess it relates back to my below post about rushing stages (Spring, Sprang, Sprung). Everyone is going to carve their own path… and it does no good to keep looking to your left and right trying to keep up with the proverbial Joneses. Cause, truthfully, I’m thinking I’ve got a couple more years of false pregnancy scares ahead of me… and maybe someday I’ll be able to truly say I’m “ready.” Here’s hoping…
For a more humorous take on reaching the age when everyone is having babies, check out The Closet Dork's take HERE.
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