Chivalry Murdered on a City Bus

I spend about 4.167% of my day on a bus (literally… I just did the math). All in all, I regularly enjoy my hour of people watching, mental prep/recap of my day, and general mental numbness – It is relaxing. However; of late the ride has been a bit bumpier (literally and figuratively). For whatever reason, the buses are PACKED. Maybe it’s the warmer weather or the economic downturn motivating people to drive less – but, whatever the reason, it has been rough. I have to stand awkwardly, crammed in like a sardine as I cling to the small metal pipe hanging 2 feet above my head. That scrap of metal is my only hope for mobile stability – keeping me from being thrown into a stranger’s lap. The bus is the only place I would stand this close to people – if you want a ride, you have to be ok with the idea of your body being pressed to somebody else’s, your purse hitting someone’s face, and multiple people pushing and pulling you to make their way to the front when it’s their stop. And that’s only if I am lucky enough to get a spot on a bus -- I am not kidding here… sometimes they are so full that there is literally NO room for one person and the driver just shrugs as he pulls his little handle to close the door while I stand on the sidewalk sulking.

Unfortunately, I think this phenomenon has been creating some mob mentality. I’ve noticed some extra grouchiness, a slight annoyance in someone’s eyes when they have to give up their seat to an elderly individual, and a general lack of apologies (if not some intentionality!) associated all the pushing, pulling, and touching.

However, yesterday on my commute home it reached a level I never expected. As the bus ride progressed, we had reached a point where people were beginning to empty out. There were still plenty more people than seats (I, personally, was clinging to my pole near the backdoor), but as people were standing up to get off the bus more and more of those remaining were getting a chance to sit. A seat cleared near me – I thought about claiming it – but noticed a middle-aged man was a little closer, so I thought I’d leave it for him. He looked at the seat… glanced at me… and nodded his head towards it – “I’m off at the next stop, anyway.” VICTORY! I slowly headed to my prize…

But, then, just as I was about to reach the seat, a man (probably late-twenties or early-thirties) came racing from the front. Like a slow-motion action scene – I could see his eyes focused on MY dirty bus seat…I could see his hands clench as he got closer… he was speed walking, nearly running, as he pushed over women and children… (ok, maybe I made up the part about women and children). He got there JUST before I did; we even bumped each other slightly as he powered himself down. And then, (here is where the ridiculous begins) as a smile of success came across his face, he looked me right in the eyes and without a laugh said, “I beat you, bitch. The seat is mine.” (sorry for just putting that out there – but, I felt a substitute word just wouldn’t quite give you the same effect --- maybe I should label my blog for “adult content,” haha)

I sucked in air from the shock --- WWWHHAATTT??!! I felt myself cower like I dog who had been scolded for peeing on the carpet (a look I have recently become all too familiar with due to our new shelter dog houseguest) – I was confused and hurt. I looked around for someone to stand up for me (coward that I am), but people either chuckled or ignored his harsh words. I wasn’t even mad about the seat anymore…. (Well, maybe a little)…. But, when did that word become ok for anyone to say? I mean, sure, I’ll throw out a “Bi-yatch” every now and then when joking with my CLOSEST friends (usually in the same sentence as a “holla!”)…. But this is not a word that I am comfortable being called (although, it is interesting that I made the female dog reference a few sentences back – haha).

I returned to my pole wondering if I should say something… stand up for women everywhere… but then I just stood there thinking about how pleasantries/manners/politeness have been on a continual decline with every passing generation in the last 100+ years. Though I consider myself a modern girl – I’ve still always found myself wooed by chivalry. And the realization that it may, as the saying goes, truly be dead was depressing. How could this seemingly normal man turn a bus seat into a competition with a woman – and celebrate with vulgarities in her face? Is he out there today thinking, “Yeah, maybe I took that one too far” -- or is that truly the place we have reached in this day and age.

R.I.P. Chivalry

But, then again… maybe there is hope. Maybe chivalry just has a terminal illness… or maybe it just needs to stop walking toward the light! There has got to be more than a few good men out there! My own husband has always carried with him a southern politeness that I find charming (although, don’t ask me where he got it since he’s from Western PA…haha). I'd like to think he is fighting to keep ol' Chivalry alive...

He still opens doors for me.
(…chest pump, chest pump…)

He’ll still offer me his jacket when it’s chilly.
(…mouth-to-mouth…)




He even pays every time we go out for dinner…
Even though we have joint accounts, haha.
(…chest pump, chest pump…)

And…. WE HAVE A PULSE!

And, I know he is not the only one -- so, to all of you chivalrous men out there – keep doing what you are doing. You alone are the ones performing the CPR that keeps chivalry alive! You cannot rest – the murders are mighty and many!