Dogs Look Like their Owners...

In my mind, it is a well known fact that people tend to choose a dog that resembles them. You see it all the time walking down the street... playing in the park... riding in the car. And, it always makes me howl with laughter (pun intended). The question to me has always been -- why? Is it intentional? Is it just another way that we've turned our poor K-9 friends into accessories -- choosing one's that will be most flattering to our own best features? Or, perhaps, all these ideas are barking up the wrong tree (I'm sorry! Sometimes I can't help myself!). Psychological research shows that we are more attracted to mates with similar features -- which is why people so often look like the sibling to their spouse. So, why is it so surprising that the same holds true for our furry pals?

In case you need some more convincing, here are some poignant examples...

Convinced yet? In case you want more proof, you can check out this article that MSNBC published on the subject. In the meantime, I'll sit here and ponder what this means for me...

Confession...

I am ashamed to admit that I’ve taken up the Twilight series (albeit not without some kicking and screaming). I swore for months that I would never subject myself to such frivolous reading while there was so much NON-fiction to learn about my world. But, ultimately, a two hour flight delay and a “bargain book” cart in Pittsburgh International Airport did me in. At first, I kept the cover hidden and told myself I was only seeing what the hype was all about… but before long I was hook-line-and-sinker’ed into the twisty plot; buying (at full price, no less) the second and third instillation.

It took me some time to start admitting to people that I was actually reading these books – and even now I’m kind of cringing over the knowledge that I am about to post my guilt for the world (a.k.a. my 7 followers – haha) to read. And yet, I can’t help but ask people if they have read them – if for no other reason than to hear their thoughts. Do they like Jacob or Edward? What would they do if they were Bella? Is it cooler to be a vampire or a werewolf? … and even hearing (slash reading) my words right now, I can’t help but blush a little at how silly this whole vampire business is.

But, apparently it is NOT silly to some people. I was talking with my sister-in-law, the lovely Amelia Clawson over the weekend – I had passed off books one and two to her thinking she might enjoy them (but fearing she wouldn’t and would judge me!). Of course, since she is currently alive, she has heard lots of the inescapable hype surrounding the Twilight saga and hit me up with a surprising question. Here is [an approximation of] how our convo went…

Amelia: So, have these books affected your relationship with Jake?
Me: Um… you mean in the sense that he [my husband] never stops making fun of me for reading them the same way I used to make fun of people for reading them?
Amelia: No, I mean I know a lot of people who have read them and they say it makes them really unsatisfied with their relationships…. Like their [significant other] isn’t romantic enough for them and now they are unhappy.
Me: [blank, unbelieving stare]

And, my shock was really sincere. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ve swooned over Edward Cullen’s words to Bella a time or two while reading. But, those swoons were similar to the butterflies I feel at the sappiest part of a Romantic Comedy film – the denouement moment (yes, I did just whip out that word – on behalf of Mrs. Bantley, my 8th grade English teacher) when they run into each other’s arms, kiss, and he/she says [insert rom-com tagline here]. But, you aren’t going to find me sitting around wishing that Jake would suddenly become an immortal creature of the night (no matter how debonair those extra 100+ years might make him).

I also don’t desire for him to be a money-hungry sports agent screaming “show me the money!”so that I can whisper “You had me at hello” …or expect to hear the sweeping orchestral tones of “Gone with the Wind” when we kiss …or dream about him suddenly revealing he is actually a Prince. It is possible to enjoy the romance and fantasy of it all without believing it is possible for yourself (or even WISHING it was)!

So, what is it in people (maybe I should more accurately say women) that clings to these fantastic stories in such a way that it would leave them dissatisfied with real life?

Perhaps it is all about expectations. Our Hollywood obsession and romance novel craze paints a picture in our minds of very specific dynamic between men and women. Suddenly, women need saved from evil, from themselves, or from loneliness… and there are 10 shirtless, smooth-talking Romeos ready to step in and lift them to safety. He always knows EXACTLY what to say… he is ever-faithful… he never wants to watch Sports Center when she wants to watch Top Model… and has magically been waiting for her all his life.

To me – if there are truly people out there who have read the Twilight books and found themselves dissatisfied with their real life relationships – this distortion says so much more about the relationships then it does about the fantasy story itself. Or, perhaps more accurately, it says much more about the one doing the fantasizing. It seems to me that this expresses an immaturity that’s blurring the lines between what the head wants and what the heart wants. And, you might be surprised at which I attribute to which, because-- I think our heads can create this image of the “right” person for us… and I’ve seen this “ideal match” image do a lot more damage than it does good. I have several friends who I’ve watched throw away potentially good relationships over surface issues and excuses of “he’s not my type.” And, I’ve also seen those same friends struggle to hold on to bad relationships because he seemed like such a “perfect fit” from the get-go. But our hearts (maybe “souls” or “spirits” would be more accurate?) seem to have less expectations. Our hearts are always looking for the best in people, they fall for people easily, they seek to give rather than receive… and, as a result, they sometimes get broken (c’est la vie). Real relationships aren’t perfect – they are difficult, time consuming, and full of mistakes. But, they are so much better than the idealistic fantasies because they include our flaws and brokenness. With all the hurt in the world – sometimes I think it’s a just a miracle that you can find someone you truly love and for them to love you right back.

But, I digress (because I feel myself shrinking into the depths of sappiness). The point is… wishing your boyfriend was a vampire and wearing an “I heart Edward Cullen” t-shirt is no less silly to me then learning Klingon and going to Star Trek conventions in full-costume. It is escapism. It is your brain screaming out that this world just isn’t good enough for you if it doesn’t include aliens or the undead. And, while it might be fun to imagine yourself in a world of space travel and/or romantic “vegetarian” vampires – at the end of the day it is just stealing you away from investment in real life.

But, I’m still going to finish this series…

Control O' Birth

I’m not a morning person - I truly have never been one. For the first few hours of my day, I am practically a different person as a hobble around Frankenstein-esque looking for people to snap at for no reason. My lack of morning love is also the reason that my hair is absurdly undone 99% of the time (because how could I possibly muster up the energy to wash, blow dry and properly straighten when I can hardly stand with my eyes open). All in all, I spend my zombie mornings complaining and groaning for my midday awakening.

But, of course, some mornings are worse than the average. And, I had such a morning last Tuesday…

I woke up to a bright sky peeking through my window and had the quick thought that I might actually be able to get out of bed with some energy (the sun can do that for me after a series of gloomy days has passed) – but the thought quickly fleeted as I noticed a sharp pain in my stomach. I rolled over helplessly… instantly feeling nauseated. Thinking it would pass quickly; I got up and began my morning routine. But the day got darker as I began brushing my teeth. “Oh no,” I said out loud as I looked at myself in the mirror, my eyes widening as my toothbrush hung meaninglessly out of my mouth. I knew this churning in my stomach could only mean one thing… so I threw my toothbrush down on the counter and leapt across my closet of a bathroom… only to spend the next 10 minutes with my face surrounded with porcelain. As I flushed and stood up to RE-brush my teeth, only one thought was ringing through my head – “SWINE FLU!!!” I was thoroughly convinced that I would soon be on the nightly news, looking sickly and causing mass hysteria everywhere I went.

But then, noticing that my stomach wasn’t aching much… I chalked it up to a fluke and decided to just head to work hoping for the best.

I was on the bus believing I was healed, when I began to notice the aching pain again. Slowly the nausea crept back as well, and I began to look around me for my plan of escape. Why they don’t have barf bags on buses, I will never know --- but I pulled the stop signal, pushed passed the crowds of people to the front, and leapt from the bus to heave some more on a patch of grass beside the bus stop. “TSS!!!” I thought – “I always knew it would get me in the end!” I was busy imagining my funeral and the shock (no pun intended) that would pass across my female friends’ faces when they realized they actually knew someone who had died of the infamous disease (not to mention the confusion on all my male friends’ faces until they were told by some woman to read the pamphlet inside the tampon box to learn more about “Toxic Shock Syndrome”) – when I suddenly realized that I was still about 8 blocks from work. I began the slow walk, feeling dizzy and nauseous. And, of course, I stopped several times along the way to toss a few more cookies.

By the time I got to my desk I was physically feeling better… but was in mental ANGUISH. I need to phone a friend… but, since I was at work I did the next best thing (thank God for G-chat!). I told Jamie the story, and her first response was:

Jamie: Swine flu
Me: Do I have swine flu?
Toxic shock?
Jamie: Toxic shock is more of a fever I think
What if you're preg!?
Me: omg.... thats the worst thought ever
If I was preg.... omg.... I'd be so upset.
Could I be?

*Let me just state a formal apology for the all the omg’s and negative talk about pregnancy. But, in that moment I was in PANIC MODE. I think babies are great… and I want one SOMEDAY… but the thought of a surprise pregnancy where my life is right now is FRIGHTENING.

Me: I just had my period
Jamie: I don't know
Me: crap – I just threw up again.
In my desk trash can!
Jamie: Ask Lindey! She's on gchat

*Lindey is like our sex and pregnancy GURU in my group of close friends. Not only is she already on baby #2 (due any day now!), but she is one of the most level-headed girls I know in the face of crisis. I couldn’t be more thrilled that she was online…

me: Lindey, you there!??
I need quick advice!
Lindey: IM HERE!!!
me: omg, Lindey, Im scared Im pregnant.
Heres the details.... [gave her the whole story]
Lindey: Swine flu??
Lindey: I hope you're preg!!!!!!!!

*I wasn’t surprised to hear her say this… she’s been hoping some of us would catch up with her soon. But, is it sad that I was HOPING for Swine Flu at this point?

And just when I was sure I should head to the hospital (either to be quarantined or for a pregnancy test)… Jamie asked the most brilliant question possible…

Jamie: Did you take extra birth control or something?

It hit me like a brick wall – OF COURSE! I was late picking up my BC this month because of STUPID Giant Eagle Pharmacy’s short Sunday hours. I got it so late on Monday and took a double dose long after eating dinner… this had to be it! I consulted Lindey for a second opinion…

Lindey: AHHHH! Thats it. I used to get morning sickness every time I would double up!!! Honestly every time. I bet that you will feel fine in a few hours or even sooner. Eat a little something.

And sure enough… my two friends were right. I few nibbles on some toast later and I was right as rain.

Well… at least physically, that is. Because now I can’t stop thinking about just HOW negative my reaction was. Is that how I’m going to feel when it actually does happen? Are you ever really ready for that kind of thing? It seems that babies have been on my mind a little more – mostly because more and more of my friends are having them these days. But, my life just feels SOOOO far from this next stage. I’ve dreamed of being a mom someday – but it has always felt far off. Now, with babies popping out right and left (Don’t be mad moms and moms-to-be -- not trying to diminish the miracle with that statement!) I suddenly feel confused and behind.

But I guess it relates back to my below post about rushing stages (Spring, Sprang, Sprung). Everyone is going to carve their own path… and it does no good to keep looking to your left and right trying to keep up with the proverbial Joneses. Cause, truthfully, I’m thinking I’ve got a couple more years of false pregnancy scares ahead of me… and maybe someday I’ll be able to truly say I’m “ready.” Here’s hoping…

For a more humorous take on reaching the age when everyone is having babies, check out The Closet Dork's take HERE.

Birds of a Feather...

My boss is a nature FREAK.

And, let me be clear, I say that with the utmost respect. Years ago, knowing random facts about nature specimens and carrying your binoculars through the park (complete with white tube socks up to knees and too-tight cargo khakis) was an instant sign of NERD. But these days, as the world is getting warmer and the icebergs are melting… Nature Nerds have finally stepped into the limelight to be respected by the world at large.

My boss is one of these freak-turned-heroes. He (literally) DIGS through garbage to find recyclables, chooses vacation locations based on the local bird populations, and knows (and is happy to recite!) the most random facts about flora and fauna. If I were to create a buzz-word bingo for my boss, my card would definitely include the words: “ecosystem,” “global warming,” “species,” “Wait – that’s recyclable!,” and “peregrine falcon” (The last one because APPARENTLY one flies by his window about 3 times a day, leading him to shout out to me to let me know. My typical response: “Wow. Cool, Dave. Too bad I missed it again.” – while rolling my eyes).

When it comes down to it, I will never be a Nature Nerd. Don’t get me wrong – I LOVE the great outdoors. And, beyond that, I MENTALLY see all the reasons why we SHOULD be working hard to preserve/protect our environment – I just can’t seem to put my money where my mouth is. I recycle vicariously – handing off bottles to my boss and/or counting on Len, the crazy dumpster diver in my neighborhood, to sort out my recyclables from my regular trash (I am NOT making that up! There is a guy who literally digs through dumpsters in the neighborhood and then puts out HEAPS and HEAPS of plastic, paper, and glass on recycling day. WHAT PASSION!). I find myself envious of the Nature Lover – wanting SO badly to become a trendy recycler and tree hugger! But, it just doesn’t seem to be in me.

But I’m definitely not envious of the love for birds. There are few people in this world more crazy to me than bird watchers. To me, it would be just as normal to be a vermin watcher and go around “oooh”ing and “aaaah”ing over rats in alleyways, cockroaches behind walls, and mice in the attic. Birds are the dirtiest, most disease-ridden creatures I know! And, I literally get a chill up my spine when a pigeon waddles towards me…

This is my worst nightmare!

(p.s. Is that Jake's long lost twin?!?)

So, while I may try to learn a few things from my boss and be a little more willing to go out of my way to recycle – you won’t see me in my khaki shorts with binoculars around my neck any time soon.

Plant a Tree

Something has been really plaguing my thoughts lately and I can’t seem to figure out why.


I work in Pittsburgh’s own little skyscraper – although 64 floors might seem a bit meager in the list of World’s Tallest Buildings (its only 35th tallest in the US alone), this building has quite a dominance in the humble skyline that belongs to the ‘Burgh. And, to live up to its size, the US Steel Tower works hard to maintain its grounds and lobbies with décor that screams “We’re all Business here, Folks.” While I realize that this makes sense from a point of view that seeks to bring in companies to lease space – it certainly leaves much to be desired in the way of inspiring me to take on the day with a dose of office vigor (Sorry, US Steel Tower interior designer… I’m sure it wasn’t your fault, but grays, tans & metals aren’t very feng shui!).

But the good people in charge of the grounds in and around the Tower have tried to spruce up the place with some eco- goodness (how very trendy!) by littering the place here and there with these:

Trees! Now, that’s more like it! They’ve got to be filling me with at least a few ounces of extra energy, or, at the very least, a few ounces of extra oxygen (can you measure oxygen in ounces?)!

I must have walked by these trees close to a hundred times before I suddenly had the realization that they were potted (I know, I know… I’m an idiot not to have realized this at first glance considering that many of them are INDOORS – but, sometimes my brain is vacant while I walk, ok?!). Now, potted trees are a nice enough idea for bringing the outdoors indoors… but I can’t help but wonder: What kind of life is this for the tree?

Now, I am no tree hugger (not that I'm opposed -- I've just never felt the urge), but honestly, the poor things are (dare I say it) crippled! I’ve heard it said that a tree’s root system has the same (if not larger) width/girth/depth of a tree’s branch system – but for these poor fellows that can’t possibly be the case. And, it’s the same for the outdoor trees in the courtyard – beautiful, but stifled by their cement prison. And, now that I’m thinking of it – what is going to happen to these trees as they continue to grow? Will they eventually be replanted in soil they can really spread out in? Are they discarded? Or, does the lack of root space keep them from ever reaching their potential growth? Please, all you blog-reading botanists – GIVE US SOME ANSWERS!!

So why is this bothering me so much? More than likely its because I live my life in analogies. I look at these trees… think of their roots… and immediately think about my own ability to plant some roots. And, to be honest, this stage of life sort has me feeling like a potted tree.

I moved to Pittsburgh with the idea of it as a temporary home. It made the most sense for my life at the moment (Seeing that the man I was marrying was going to be in school there for 3 years)… but in the back of my mind I was already wondering “where next?” And, that once fleeting thought has taken up permanent residence in my brain space, because 2 ½ years later… with AT LEAST 2 more years committed to this city… I still am wondering “but where NEXT?”

And, there is something about this way of thought/life that I think is really… as I said before… crippled. I’ve made Pittsburgh my pot – and I’m planted, but with no real roots. If I don’t allow myself roots where I am TODAY… then I’m stunting my own growth. How much more growth would I have seen if I allowed Pittsburgh to be my park (Tree farm? Field? – I couldn’t quite pick a good growing place name… haha).

And, sure, it’s a risk… because ultimately, the roots are going to make any future moves that much more painful and difficult – but it sure seems to be a better way of living for TODAY.

Currently on "Repeat Play" in my Head...

If you know her music at all, its no surprise that I'm a huge fan of Ani Difranco. My blog title very UNsubtly references one of her albums that is an all time favorite of mine. Here's the song that originally won me over to her music with its honesty and simplicity...

"Angry Anymore" by Ani Difranco

growing up it was just me and my mom against the world

and all my sympathies were with her when i was a little girl

but now i've seen both my parents play out the hands that they were dealt

and as each year goes by i know more about how my father must have felt

i just want you to understand

that i know what all the fighting was for

and i just want you to understand

that i'm not angry anymore

i'm not angry anymore

she taught me how to wage a cold war with quiet charm

but i just want to walk through my life unarmed

to accept and just get by like my father learned to do

but without all the acceptance and getting by that got my father through

I just want you to understand

that i know what all the fighting was for

and i just want you to understand

that i'm not angry anymore

i'm not angry anymore

night falls like people into love

we generate our own light to compensate for the lack of light from above

every time we fight a cold wind blows our way

but we can learn like the trees

how to bend how to sway and say

i think i understand

what all this fighting is for and

baby, i just want you to understand

that i'm not angry anymore

no, i'm not angry anymore

4 Things

I just couldn't resist this little survey -- it combines so many of my favorite things: nostalgia, list making, and the number 4!

Four Places I go over and over:

1. Padded Chair in the window corner of the US Steel Tower 2nd Lobby Level.

This is my lunch escape - where I get to sit in the sun, read, and forget the busy morning.

2. Lebanon Presbyterian Church

Though unfortunately it feels more like a job than a place of rest -- Im here often for endless youth events, early sunday school mornings, and various church functions.

3. Downtown Macy's Perfume Selection

Another lunchtime getaway as Macy's is the practically the only downtown shopping. I never buy, but I love sampling the new scents and dreaming up the perfect event for each.

4. Jake's Passenger Seat

Here often because I don't drive, I also love it because its the perfect place to let my brain (and mouth) unwind... plus I often get to catch up on the latest NPR scoop.

Four TV Shows I Watch:

1. The Office: for laughs

2. Jeopardy: for knowledge

3. Grey's Anatomy: for drama

4. America's Next Top Model: for the hell of it

Four Smells I Love:

1. Spring Lilacs: childhood

2. Campfire in my Hair: the end of a great night

3. Ocean Air: the smell of relaxation

4. Fresh Baked Bread: yum!

Four Places I'd Rather Be Right Now:

1. At the Dish Cafe eating scones while surrounded by fellow 4Easters

2. On the Spanish Steps of Rome with Jake and a bottle of Red Wine

3. Hiking near Mt. Ranier with my Brothers

4. Navigating the chaos of Malawi's markets with sugarcane stuck in my teeth